having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
