dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
