Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
