Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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