Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
