we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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