Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
