No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
