You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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