I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
