He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
