I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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