I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
