he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
