I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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