i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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