Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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