Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
