I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
