when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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