Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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