No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
