:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
