I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
