When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i think my cat just said my name.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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