New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
