You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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