I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
