Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
