Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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