Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
