yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
