you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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