I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
