its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
