All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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