I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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