Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
