hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
