I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
