It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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