she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
