There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
please come you make the beer taste better
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
