Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
