Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
