Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
