just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
