weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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