I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
