Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
