She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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