Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
