Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
